You are heading out the door for an interview, or to present your latest project at your school. Your palms begin to sweat. You wonder if you will do well. You wonder if your peers or interviewers will like what you present to them. You doubt yourself and feel nervous.
This is a scene we have all gone through at least once in our lives. We have heard of tricks such as imagining our audience as not wearing clothes, controlled breathing exercises, affirmations etc. Instead, what if I told you that there is a better way to conquer fear and anxiety? What if I told you that targeting the true cause of fear will make you free of fear?
Have you ever wondered what is the root cause of your fears? What is it that makes you fearful before a jump; both, physical and metaphorical? In most likelihood, the answer would be either the fear of failure, or the fear of getting hurt. We fear what may happen in the future. We fear the consequences of our actions and inaction.
“What is the root cause of fear?”
Fear is a useful survival tool. It kept our ancestors safe from predators and other dangers. Even today, it keeps us safe from harm. However, it also keeps us from doing what needs to be done. Those are the times when fear must be conquered. However, if there is cause for genuine harm, actions must only be taken after assessing the risks involved and the resulting gains.
We have all had someone tell us that we need to be brave in situations that cause us fear. But, what is bravery?
Most would say that bravery is conquering our fears.
Suppose you are going out for an interview. You are anxious about your performance. The anxiety and fear strikes you down. Despite that, you tell yourself to be more confident. You motivate yourself and do some breathing exercises. You feel better and head out to face your interview. You have not conquered your fears. They are still present. However, you have convinced yourself to do what needs to be done, irrespective of your fears. That is bravery. Bravery does not mean conquering your fears. It means, doing what needs to be done, in spite of your fears.
“Bravery is doing what needs to be done, in spite of fear”
In the same scenario, instead of telling yourself to be confident, suppose you tell yourself – “I will accept the results of the interview, no matter what.”. You tell yourself – “I have prepared to my best abilities, and I will do my best at the interview. Despite that, if I do not get that job, perhaps that is the way it is meant to be.” – You accept your future.
Would you fear the interview anymore?
Where is the place for fear when you unconditionally accept your future?
The root cause of fear is our inability to accept the future that may result from our actions or inaction. Instead, if we tell ourselves that we will accept the consequences of our actions, and truly believe in accepting the consequences, the fear will no longer exist
Fear prevents us from doing what needs to be done. We lose control over our lives because of the actions or inaction we engage in due to fear. The lost control then decreases the quality of our lives.
We can use acceptance as a solution to overcome our fears in a specific situation. But, that only gives us control over that singular situation. In order to gain control over our lives and thus improve its quality, we must also extend acceptance to our entire lives. Asserting control over our lives can begin with morning meditations and affirmations, on a daily basis. We must affirm that we will accept whatever the future brings us on the day. We must tell ourselves – “Whatever happens today, that is how it is meant to be. I will accept it; I will not fear it“. This must be done diligently, everyday. Begin the day with the affirmations to convince ourselves to accept our future for the day. Following that, we must also convince ourselves before each action that causes us fear. Slowly, with time, it will become a habit and we shall become fearless.
“Where is the place for fear when you unconditionally accept your future?”
This is not an easy solution. Otherwise, every person, including me, would be fearless today. It will take consistent daily affirmations for months and years. However, if we can slowly get into the habit of accepting our futures unconditionally, we can become fearless, one day at a time.
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